


The Things We Do Together

by Blissfulbroadway



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Apologies, Gaslighting, Gay, Homophobia, Implied Sexual Content, Internalized Homophobia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-24
Updated: 2018-04-24
Packaged: 2019-04-27 12:06:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14425062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blissfulbroadway/pseuds/Blissfulbroadway
Summary: One of Jared’s biggest secrets, kept safe with the boy he loves.OrThe boy he loves is Jared’s biggest secret.





	1. Chapter 1

_ Warmth _ .

That was the first word that always came to mind whenever Jared went over Evan’s house. It seemed as though Jared was starting to go over Evan’s more frequently. But, that wasn’t the most unusual thing to happen. After all, they  _ were  _ best friends. At least, that’s what everyone thought.

Jared came over Evan’s house some nights because, as Evan had so expertly put it: They were in love.

That wasn’t necessarily the case, or, at least, Jared didn’t want it to be. As Evan saw it, though, Jared came over and they did things together which friends, even  _ best  _ friends, wouldn’t do. Tonight was one of those nights.

Jared knocked on the front door, glancing around and shifting on his feet awkwardly, just waiting for Evan to open the door. Jared was paranoid. He was always paranoid every time he had to wait outside of Evan’s house, or whenever he had to go back home, or even be seen walking somewhere near Evan. What if people found out? Someday, they’ll find out.

“Jesus Christ, Evan, open the door.” Jared muttered to himself, his head snapping to either side of him, making sure he wasn’t going to be seen walking into Evan’s house. Soon, his wish came true, and Evan opened the door with a dorky grin. He quickly let Jared inside.

“Hey, Jare’--” Evan greeted warmly, closing the door behind Jared before wrapping an arm around his shoulders, leaning in for a kiss. Jared’s worries washed away when he noticed the blinds shut and the door closed. He happily accepted Evan’s kiss, leaning up and tilting his head into the kiss, just as he usually did. Before anything could happen, Evan pulled away, but not before pressing another quick peck to his lips. “Come on in. Stay a while. Let’s have some fun, yeah?” Evan insisted, already helping Jared pull of his coat, hanging it up. Jared just flashed a smile, nodding in agreement.

Evan let out a laugh in excitement, pulling Jared towards his bedroom. Once they arrived, Evan sat on the bed, pulling Jared down with him.

“How about we continue that kissing?” Jared suggested, although it was rather painful to say.

Evan let out another laugh, responding with an eager kiss to Jared’s lips. He scooted closer on the bed, towards Jared, careful not to break the kiss. Evan’s hands trailed down to rest atop Jared’s hips, holding him in place gently. Evan was gentle with everything he did. Even with the things they did together.

Jared kissed back, pushing his thoughts to the back of his mind and ignoring the nervous pit in his stomach and angriness in his heart. He simply craned his head up into the kiss, as before, his arms finding themselves wrapped around Evan’s shoulders. After a few moments of light brushing of lips, Jared’s mouth fell open, allowing access for Evan to do what he pleased. Evan swiped his tongue carefully across Jared’s bottom lip, playfully nibbling at it before sliding his tongue into Jared’s mouth.

Jared hadn’t even remembered when his eyes closed, just that they had. Or when his thoughts were free again, swirling in his mind like a storm, ruining everything they touched. Jared didn’t know when that happened, either. Too warm. Suffocating. The only thing he knew was that Evan’s hands had moved off of his hips, one cupping his cheek, the other holding his body up. And, Evan had stopped kissing him.

“Jared? What’s wrong? Why’re you crying? Did--did I do something wrong?” Evan asked quietly, concern and worry clear as day in his eyes, the same expression plastered onto his face.

“Wh-what? I--” Jared held a hand up to his face, wiping a hot tear off of his cheek. Evan was right. His tears glistened perfectly onto his fingers, telling the truth of what he had been doing. Crying. Why?  _ Not even he knew _ . “Oh. It’s nothing, alright, Ev? I’m just...a bit overwhelmed, y’know? You make me really happy. I’m just-- _ I’m just in love _ .” Jared lied through his teeth. It made him sick and angry to lie to Evan like this. Why not just lead the boy on even more, why don’t you? Jared hated himself more than ever.

Evan seemed to believe Jared, though, because he just smiled as before, maybe even brighter and dorkier, and wiped another tear off of Jared’s cheek. “Oh, okay. That’s great, because I’m in love with you, too. And, I’m happy you’re alright.” Evan said, letting go of Jared’s face to press a kiss to each of Jared’s now dry cheeks. Jared let out a fake laugh, leaning close to kiss Evan’s lips again. Evan kissed back immediately, melting into the touch.

Soon, Jared’s fingers played at the hem of Evan’s t-shirt, his touch pleading for the clothing to come off. Evan smiled against Jared’s lips, making another small swipe across Jared’s bottom lip with his tongue before breaking the kiss to slide his shirt off over his head, and discard it onto the floor, where both their outfits of that day would follow suit.

Just as Jared predicted, they were both soon bare and touching. Skin brushed against skin. Friction and heat formed. Sweat dripped down both boys’ foreheads. Everything was warm, both nice and suffocating. They did all that Jared expected they would do. All that he loved. All that he was ashamed of. All that he promised he would never do again, but came back a few nights later to do more. Jared hated himself for doing what he expected them to do, and for enjoying it.

And then, when they were done, Evan would smile and pant, ranting for a few long minutes about how great everything felt, and how happy he was, and how much he loved Jared. And Jared would lie and do the same.

In the end, though, Jared would get cleaned up, get his clothes on, give Evan a goodbye peck on the cheek, and head out of his bedroom. He would start to cry when Evan wasn’t looking. Where he was far away in another room, where he faded out of sight. And, Jared knew why he was crying, just as he had been earlier while they kissed.  _ Of course he knew why he was crying _ . Then, Jared would turn off the light, open up the blinds for Evan, and leave. But, not before looking around to make sure no one saw him exiting the Hansen household, covered in hickeys and sweat. He could never let anyone see him. They couldn’t find out about what they did together.  _ Ever _ .


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two boys make a mistake. Two boys are hurt.

_Messy._

That was the word that always came to mind whenever Evan thought of he and Jared’s relationship. Well, if you could even call it that.

Stuck in the closet, the two of them. Jared sneaking into Evan’s house a few nights a week. They exchange their “love you’s” while their skin brushes across one another and moans spill out their mouths in between. Then, Jared cleans himself up and leaves. They see each other in the hall, spare a quick glance, never speak.

“ _No one_ can know. Don’t tell _anyone,_  Evan.”

Evan knew what was right and wrong. Speaking to Jared at school was wrong. Spending time with him hidden away was right.

Loving him- what was that?

With how Jared treated it, Evan always supposed it was wrong. He had no clue. It felt right, but, Evan could see behind Jared’s fake smiles and eager kissing. He felt how wrong Jared treated it. It felt like an act of rebellion instead of love.

Evan wanted to commit some real act of rebellion just to show Jared loving him wasn’t as wrong as he’d made it out to be. So, he did.

One Friday morning, Evan finally went up to Jared in the hallway. No warning text. Evan didn’t even wait until they were in the bathrooms or the storage room. He just walked right on up to Jared, smiling happily and leaning against a random locker.

“Hey.” Evan greeted, a happy smile on his face.

Jared had noticed Evan before he had even walked up to him, seeing a new expression on his face, a certain twinkle in his eye. When Evan looked at Jared longer than expected, Jared knew something was up. He swallowed as Evan walked towards him, and he quickly pulled his headphones up over his ears. But, it was too late. Evan was in front of him, and knew as well as Jared he wasn’t listening to anything. So, Jared allowed his headphones to rest around his neck again, avoiding Evan’s gaze.

“Hansen.” Jared replied, seemingly indifferent. Although, the pure terror and paranoia of even speaking to Evan in the halls was clear in Jared’s eyes.

Jared’s one-word reply tore daggers through his heart, but the look in Jared’s eyes hurt so much more. Evan swallowed, taking one small step back.

“Hey, so, uh, what’s up?” Evan asked, nervous now. Maybe this “act of rebellion” wasn’t the best idea.

Jared gave Evan probably the angriest, puzzled look he’s ever seen. Suddenly, Evan was just as confused as Jared on why he had talked to him here and now. Still, Jared spoke.

“Nothing. Look, I really have to go.” Jared said dismissively, fixing his bag before starting to head to wherever he didn’t have to be at the time. Evan suddenly reached out, grabbing his wrist.

“Wait!” Evan called out, earning more than a few looks around him. Jared turned to him, tugging away his wrist angrily.

“What the hell do you want, you _freak_?”

Evan froze, looking at Jared in absolute horror, eyes wide and filling with tears. Evan’s heart officially shattered. Although, no one around them seemed to acknowledge the fact, because the insult earned multiple chuckles or full on laughter from their peers.

Only after a few moments did Evan actually find the strength to say something.

“You are such a _coward_!” Evan shot back, turning on his heels and rushing off to the bathrooms. He just barely caught a glimpse of how broken Jared had looked.

As Evan ran off, he finally figured it out. _This_ was why they couldn’t be together. _This_ was why Jared forced them both into the closet. _This_ was why they never spoke to each other. _This_ was why Jared never told anyone anything.

Jared was a coward, and Evan was done with it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared apologizes.

_Days._

Days had passed since Jared called Evan a freak; and Evan called Jared a coward. It took Jared days to muster up the courage to apologize. Evan was right. He was such a coward. It was quite possibly one of his biggest weaknesses. Only the Wednesday morning prior had Jared finally muster up the courage to apologize.

Wednesday, third period, second floor bathrooms near the AP English class, fifth stall littered with insults and dates and names on the surrounding wall. Jared sat waiting out for Evan. Just a little while before had he texted him, asking him to come into the bathrooms so he could apologize. Evan questioned why he couldn’t do it in the halls. Jared texted back he was sorry. Then, he convinced Evan to come to the bathrooms.

And he did.

Evan walked to Jared’s stall, knocking lightly.

“Jared?” Evan questioned shakily, uncertainly. Skipping class to hide out in the bathrooms always terrified Evan, even if he did get to see Jared for a little while. But that was before. It felt different now.

Evan heard a lock click, the once red handle now green, signaling for Evan to enter. The door pushed open, subtle, hesitating. Jared looked up from where he sat on the toilet lid, frowning.

“I’m so sorry.” Jared whispered, reaching out his arms to pull Evan in. Evan didn’t expect his heart to ache so badly at those words. Evan stepped inside, closing the stall door. He wiped his palms on his khakis before taking Jared’s hands carefully, walking to him. It felt suffocating and Evan swore if he was any more claustrophobic he’d faint.

Perhaps it was just the encounter itself.

“Do you really-“ Evan stopped himself, shaking his head.

“Am I a freak?” He questioned truthfully, hurt clear in his voice.

Jared’s face fell and he visibly winced, shaking his head and standing. Evan felt arms wrap around him tight.

  
“I’m so, _so_ sorry. I’m an asshole.” Jared repeated, looking up at Evan with the most pained and apologetic expression he’s ever seen. Evan shook his head.

  
“You didn’t answer my question.” Evan pointed out, his voice shaking.

Jared swallowed hard, biting back the tears that threatened to pool in his eyes and spill.

  
“ _I’m_ the freak, not you.” Jared said, pulling one hand away to stubbornly wipe at his nose, sniffling.

  
Evan frowned, his heart shattering at the sight despite the fact Jared was the one who insulted him.

  
“I forgive you.” Evan said simply, hugging Jared close. He kissed the top of his head, soft, before saying, “ _Asshole_.”

If only he knew.


End file.
